Here we are.

Here we are. Here I am. I finally caved and decided to type out my thoughts.  Who is going to read this? I don’t really know, but what I do know is that I have always had a passion for writing, not many do know that. If you asked me when I was little what I wanted to be when I grow up I would have told you a marine biologist, having a love for sea animals and growing up by the beach it just made sense. When I got into high school English was the only thing that was easy for me and I had it set I would go to college and become a journalist for a popular magazine or newspaper and move to NY, life was good.  When I was 17 all hopes and dreams or any thought of a future was washed away by an evil darkness of depression. From age 17-20 life was a blur I want to say I enjoyed my teens but I hated it I couldn’t understand life or any point of it at all.  I did go to college  because that is what you are supposed to do after High School right? I followed my sisters foot prints and went to the University of Virginia Beach, AKA TCC. If i could go back in time and not have taken my classes for granted I would, but I ended up meeting my biggest mistake of a relationship there.  I was blind and couldn’t tell you what I was thinking at the time but I was barely 21 and while all my friends were figuring out their degrees, drinking, and partying life away I was preparing to become a Mom. I have never seen my parents more disappointed in something the way they were with me those first few months of finding out it was so hard. On November 16th 2009, my  life was forever changed when I had Kylina Vivian. Suddenly life was more clear, I had a purpose, and I was going to make damn sure that I could give this beautiful little baby I was so lucky to call mine the best life that she deserved.

Being a mama will change you. It will test you, it will challenge you, and you will do things you never thought possible, learn to multitask like a magician.  You will appreciate your own mother more than you ever did and feel bad for those horrible teen age years when you were such a biotch, (sorry mom).  During those first 4 years I was struggling just working my ass off to keep a roof over our head and little food on the table. Looking back on those early 20’s I really don’t know how I did it but it was a life lesson.  NEVER  stay with someone just to keep a “family” together. I had all the signs in the world to walk away from day 1 , all my friends and family to tell me otherwise but I was stubborn, and manipulated. Emotional abuse is real. He was an ego twisted OCD, selfish narcissist who blamed everything on me. I was constantly put down and taken advantage of always walking around on eggshells, never knowing if it would be a good or bad day when I woke up and just begging for a “normal” life. I remember the day like yesterday, he told me he wanted me to die while breaking my glass picture frames and throwing things in front of our daughter because he didn’t like how the floor was vacuumed. Five seconds later I had my daughter in one arm and my dog in another and we were on our way back to Mimi’s house, I never looked back.

I must say out of all the regrets I have in my life having her will never be one of them I am a true believer that everything bad that happens in life will lead you to the good, as long as you don’t loose yourself in it.  Know your worth.  Being strong was my only option I had a little human who was a girl, who looks like a mini me, I needed to do better for. Thankfully I didn’t have a divorce to deal with and she was too young to remember those times.  Leaving that phase of my life was like turning a chapter in a crazy novel. I could see clear and I was focused on the good that could come, heck I was only 26 I knew my life wasn’t over.

March 2014. This was another turning point, things are going to get juicy. Kylina and I took a surprise trip to OKC to visit her Aunt (Titi Lilly) who also is my best friend. She moved out here due to her ex husband but that’s a different story.  That week was one of the best time’s I have ever had, from taking Kylina on her first plane ride, exploring a new city even though it was only Oklahoma haha. St. Paddy’s day weekend we got to have a girls day and it was a blast. I’m Irish so I’ve always been up to celebrating that day, we were down town in OKC listening to an amazing live singer, having our green beers, and laughing when he spotted me.

It had been a looonnnggg time since I locked eyes with a cute stranger before, let alone flirted with one, how does that even go anymore?! I don’t know.  I’m just the blushing blonde freckled nervous girl who doesn’t know what to say or how to act when someone I think is attractive comes to talk to me. Of course I spotted him in the crowd since he was the only one of tan skin, with dark hair, broad shoulders and the warmest smile. We exchanged numbers but after our hour long talk about life and a random kiss I just tried to blow it off because I knew I was flying 1200 miles back home to reality in 2 more days. A week after being home I had an official LDR- long distance relationship. I felt like a giddy teenager who constantly had emoji hearts around her head all day. He was the one soul that accepted all of me, my past and was accepting of my daughter. In the course of our LDR I think it only made us stronger, plane trips back and fourth to see each other was intense I felt like I was a kid  counting down to Christmas every month we were apart. There was never any jealousy or tension between us when we were not together because we both just knew how bad we wanted it. If you love someone enough, and are working towards something together you are never going to do anything to jeopardize what you have become and are going to be.

So here we are. Two years and some change later Kylina and I packed up and moved our lives and everything and everyone we knew, (even left the beach and my job) to be with Israel. Call me crazy but love will make you do crazy things. As much as I am always homesick, and believe me I was crying all the time missing my family and home my parents, my sister, my life…. it was a good decision.  I grew up, and our family grew too. We welcomed our baby girl Daniela Marie into the world October 23, 2015.  I seriously cannot picture life without having her. She is the perfect baby sister and completes us as 4. Shes so sweet and beautiful shes my tiny nugget who I just want to hold forever. It fills my heart with so much love to see her and her sister together, there are days they make me want bedtime to be at 7pm but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have been blessed with having 2 beautiful, sweet, smart loving daughters who gave me my purpose in life. To raise them into strong beautiful women that they are going to become. I don’t care what they choose to be in life and i’m never going to put that type of pressure on them, as long as they live a life of passion and purpose to make this world a better place is all that matters.That they believe on being independent and not dependent, and so their generation what it’s all about.

I think I have rambled on enough about my life biography. It is only a piece of what is yet to come, who knows what is in store. Maybe I’ll reach other moms out there in mommy world and have touch some lives, crack a smile or make a friendship. One thing is for sure at this point in life I have nothing to hide. I am far from a being a fake person I am more of a free spirit who pours her heart out in her writing. I am shy to make friends in person, and just haven’t really met anyone here in OKC.  I know this won’t be where we stay forever but it is for now and we are making the best of what we have.

Much Love , Krystal.

 

 

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